Book of Books

“It is written plain, on the Pedestal:

''Speak when it is time to be spoke, or do not. Whatever waters suspended in graceful buoyancy, floats your boat, is what is righteous in this world.''

When accosted by subjects of hate, or of love, or of anything except hate or love, D’Vowchan preacheth: “Deal With It.”

''Authors Note: Thanks everyone for all the likes and reviews. The Book of Books officially endorses Fishy Jim’s Publishing House for the only true official sequel to zir fifth book. Pick up the thrilling conclusion to D’Vowchan’s wacky misadventures for just $13.99 only at Fishy Jim’s!”''

(Page 11,980, verse 17; Book 5)

Meaning
This famous passage ending the fifth book of the Krumbonian religion is notable for being the only passage with handwriting actually legible in the entire 18,000-page volume. It forms the basis of the entire religion today, and has been cited by many a hastily-scoured scholar in their vain efforts to uncover the deeper meanings of Krumboism. Recent evidence, however, has proven unequivocally that the iconic religious phrase does not actually mean what it is interpreted to mean. When magnified 20x, verse 17 of Book 5 reveals a small coffee stain in the shape of a hand grenade next to the word “it.” This recent discovery of course, changes the entire meaning of the way Krumboism is supposed to be worshiped.

For many, this discovery was but a small oversight in zir’s great book. And for those many, their lives are likely to be cast away in sin (or possibly not) by the Krumbonian god of apathy and indecision. But to true believers like the esteemed House Vestule, such details as the Holy Coffee Stain deemed “insignificant” and “pedantic” by the less devout offer wisdom that directly defies modern interpretation.

Coffee, Hand Grenades, and Pronouns
The link between coffee and hand grenades is rather obvious given Bemton’s storied history with the bitter drink. The symbolism of the roundish drop on the paper looking vaguely like a hand grenade therefore should be plainly obvious for the literarily adept. But the fact that this stain is .043 mm away from the second letter in the final word of the penultimate paragraph implies a deeper meaning far more interesting than the pictorial resemblance. Numerous scholars, myself included, have gathered that this actually means that D’Vowchan did not support the Redefinement of 1834 as previously theorized. The loss of favor with zir was entirely based on the ignorant misinterpretations of zir holy words. Supporting this theory is the hypothesis that the use of the pronoun "it" not being the pronoun "ze," which is notable for being one of the seven sacred third-person pronouns not used by D'Vowchan.

-Esteemed Legitarch Magna-Platimus of the Noble House Vestule